Becoming a Farmer

Wow... It has been a long time since I wrote a blog. I'm sorry for the 3 people that actually read my blog. Lol.

So i'm living in Carrollton now. I graduated from School of Ministry, still waiting on my bachelors degree, but i'm done! :) My parents bought a home out in Carrollton, GA. The first couple of months were rough out here because the house basically had to be renovated because all the wiring and drywall had to be redone. So some weeks in the beginning there was no electricity and this was in the winter still. So I slept by the fire place on a air mattress. That air mattress was my bed 3 months, that wasn't so bad, it was having to pick it up every morning and putting it on the back porch so the men can work on the house during the day and bringing it back in at night close to midnight every night. There was a week somewhere in the 3 months that we didn't have running water as well, so I would go outside and wash my hair with a water bottle. It was at that point that I realized the God was preparing me for something. Lol.

Man... so much has happened since I last wrote a blog! I have job now its a part time job at CVS. Its a job! I'm slowly on my way to fulfilling my goal. At first I wasn't getting anywhere because I had major truck problems which took away everthing I made. I am now at a spot now, where every paycheck I am able to pay some towards my debt. I was hoping to get a second job but at the moment I'm making pretty decent hours, but I may still get one in the future.

The last thing I wanted to write about is about the title. My parents went to a family reunion last weekend in florida, I had to work. But they came home with a farm! Yes that's right a farm! We now own a baby goat, a rooster, 4 chickens, and 10 baby chicks! So now every morning I wake up to a rooster crowing. The first day I spent half the day helping my dad build a chicken coupe and fed a baby goat with a bottle. We named the goat billy and he follows you everywhere you go outside. My dog thinks the goat is a dog so she keeps trying to sniff billy's butt. Lol.
So my parents say this is just the beginning, that we will get more animals later on.:) I never thought of myself as a farmer but I guess I'm going to start learning how to be one.

Hopefully it won't be so long before I write another blog. I still have alot more to say but I have to go do some farm work. Hahaha....

The wall

Hey, its been awhile since I last wrote. Well i'm finally done with school of ministry for the most part. So now i'm on my next adventure but hopefully this adventure will not last as long as the last adventure. My goal is to get a job and pay off all my unpaid bills and save some up for my venture into full time missions. But as for right now I do not know where that will be.
So thats my plan but, these past couple of months have been pretty hard getting anywhere with my plan. I have been trying to get a job but no luck yet. I don't want to just sit around and do nothing though. I feel stuck with nothing to do and nowhere to go. He always does that to me though, I make a plan and go after and then things get switched around. I am at a loss as to what to do. I know I still have the same goal but as to how to reach that goal, I do not know. I was told this transition was going to be hard and they were right. Its hard to transition from doing something everyday and having your whole day planned out for you to not knowing at all what you are going to be doing the next moment. But that is the life I chose to go after and i'm not going to back down every time I can't see around the corner. I have to just remind myself why I chose this road and not listen to the doubters around me. I know He's got this! :)

Stolen Joy

It is scary how fast the enemy can steal joy from you. He did it to me just last night. In a matter of minutes I was back in my past. I allowed the enemy to play with my mind and thoughts. I was back in his playground. He had complete control of my thoughts.

How? How did that happen so fast? How can I stop that from ever happening again?

I must be firmly planted in the word of God. I must be able to recognize his tricks and the negative thoughts that are planted by the enemy. Speak truth over the lies the enemy has fed me. I am more than a conquerer in Christ who gives me strength. I have to remember the call on my life and remember God's grace.
The enemy knows when to attack, he knows when you are most vulnerable. He knows what to use against us because he studies our ways and our insecurites.
We have to know when we are most vulnerable, so that can be ready at all times for an attack. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. But God has given a way out from the enemies traps. His way out is His truth.
This is what I would do. I will become more planted in God's word and know His truth. I will know when I am vulnerable and know when it is the enemy feeding me lies. I know my call and remember God's grace and mercy.
The enemy will not steal my joy again. I will not let him!!!

"For I know the plans, 'declares the Lord,' planse to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Windows

I love it when God allows us to see little windows of our life. He allows us to see were we are now and how far we have come. I love those moments when I can see where I would have acted differently in certain situations than I do now. God gave me several windows today, where I saw that I have grown. Sometimes we forget how far God has brought and that is God has to remind us time to time. God has brought me very far. He is still doing a new work in me everyday. He doesn't have to the things He does. He is so gracious. Thank for sticking with me and not giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. He has brought me through tough times and gave me an amazing hope for the future. His Love gives you a hope for things that you on your own would never think was possible.
It is so cool to know that the best is yet to come! I have no idea what I will be doing in my life even 3 weeks from now. I do know that whatever it is it will be amazing because I serve an amazing God and if I am being used by Him in the littlest way it will be amazing. I do not remember the last time I had this much joy for this long. It is all because of His mercy that I am able to experience such great joy!
I can do anything if I have God in me and beside me. I no longer have fear of the unknown. I know if God calls me to it then He believes in me and who am I to doubt what God believes!
I stumble at times but I get right back up. In the past I would dwell on all the mistakes I make, but I have learned that does nothing but hinder ms from making things better. I know I will continue to mistakes but I know who to turn to first now and that is God. He always picks me up when I fall, forgives me, and tells me to keep going. He doesn't take away your gifts or what He has called you to just because you mess up. He knows you will mess up before you do. He uses the messed up sometimes. :) He did throughout scripture, why not now? I just don't want myself to get in the way of Him using me, like it did with Moses. God wanted to use Moses to speak to Pharoh but Moses did t think He was capable because he couldn't speak clearly. God knew about his speech impedament and He wanted to use him anyway. Moses didn't think God was big enough though. God still used Moses but He might used him alot more if Moses had believed he could Have been used more. I want to be used by God in the way He wants to use me despite my insecurities. God is much bigger than any insecurity I
have. I dont want have the regret of wandering of what could have happened if I allowed God to fully use the first time He calls me.
If you do read my blog I want to pray that God will give me wisdom over these next few weeks and that I will hear His voice clearly. I want to go and do whatever He says, so I have to be able to discern His voice from others. Let it not be mans, the enemy, or my own voice but Gods that I follow. Thank you for reading what is on my heart. :)

Nearing the end of this season...

Hey guys sorry it has been so long since the last time I wrote anything. I do not have internet at the apartment and so that means I would have go out of my way to go write a blog and well. Lol. I'm just not a blogger unless I have alot on my mind or alot to say. So I guess tonight is one of those nights.
So I'm in the last month of this season of my life. I have no idea what is going to happen in a month from now none the less a few weeks from now. I do have some thought and ideas, but like I have said before it is all up to God and what He has for me. It is exciting and nerve racking at the same time. It is for sure an adrenaline rush. I know that whatever it is will be an exciting next season of my life. I love this part of my life. I love living life with God totally in control of my life. He is directing the sails of my boat. I can not think of a better way to live my life. Yes, I do have worries at times but when those worries come I try my best to replace them with God's word. If I have learned anything here it has been the only way you can defeat a negative thought is with the word of God.
My heart is to reach God's people anyway that I am capable. God has blessed me with the ability to move from place to place. I used to hate that my father was in the military and that we had to move around growing up but now I view it as a blessing because He was just preparing me for what He had for me in the future. I want to travel the world and share God's love to all His children. Not only has God has blessed me with the love of traveling He has also blessed me the thrill of adventure. I love that God can use anyone to do much greater things than themselves. He is a huge God! I am ready for my next adventure, wherever that may be! He is so GOOD to Me! I LOVE YOU GOD! I know that sounds cheezy but I don't care anymore, I really don't! I want to see the world the way God sees the world. I want to love the way God loves. He is such a gracious God!
Please pray that I will have wisdom in approaching the decisions for my next adventure. Pray that I truly hear God and that I will fully obey Him. Thanks for hearing me out and thank you so much for your prayers! You are an Awesome person for reading this. :)

Striving

I have learned alot over the past few weeks. Some of the things I have learned I cannot even express in words.
I have no idea what I am going to be doing in the future, I don't even know what I am going to be doing tomorrow or when I get done typing this. All I do know is that if I truely want to follow God and to do his will then I need to learn to die to myself every second of the day. I need to concentrate on the now and what God has before me right now. I have made plenty of mistakes, some I cannot take back but God is not asking me to take them back, he is just asking for me to learn from them and give them to him. So I do not hold on to them any longer. I don't know how I am going to get through this season that I am in right now, but I do know I will get through it. I have to. It is a hard season but I know that I will learn much from it because I already have. I know God is preparing me for what he has planned for me in the future.
It has become too easy to fall. Too easy to give into the lies of the enemy. But as easy as it seems as tempting as it seems, it is not worth it. There is a better life then what the world and the enemy shows you. It is not easy but it is worth it.
I want to be driven again. I want to be on fire! I want to be passionate about God's calling on my life! I want to be thirsty and hungry for HIM! So much that nothing can ever stop me again or ever let me forget!

Fight

So today was yet another day in which God decided to stretch me and give me a glimpse of what He is calling me into.

I was searching through piles of linens for a full fitted sheet. It is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. So as I was sinking into the linens I got a call from charity and she asked if i could go with her to see someone at the hospital. It turned out someone who just recently started coming to church on sunday at the dream center tried to commit suicide today. He was at the emergency room and his mom was frantic. So charity stopped what we were doing to go and try to comfort her as much as we could while she waited to see what would happen to her son. He did not do anything as far as we know but he was very close to it. We stood there listening to his mother with tears rolling down her face as she began to tell us that she didn't know what to do he has been like this for awhile but this time it just got too close. He is 20 years old and lives in the house 14 other people doesn't have a job and just feels like he has nothing to live for.

We didn't get to see him becaus he was in the triage and we were not aloud to go in there. I just stood there as charity talked and comforted the mom. I just took it all in and was praying that God would show up not only for the son but also for the mother. We didn't get a chance to pray with her before we left because she went in to see her son and stayed in there to fill out paper work we told her to keep us updated if anything happens and if they were going to keep him for awhile or send him somewhere else. She was so surprised that the church would come out to see them.

We came back to the dream center and I picked up where I left off in the linen closet. But I will not forget what God allowed me to see. I pray that God will continue to bring the broken, hurting, lost, and sinful to us. I never want to get to busy with what I am doing and miss out on being used by God to reach His children. Never let me be the one speaking into the lives of those people, instead let it always be you through me, therefore I will not be concerned with what I am going to say.

I know that I cannot help others in defeating their battles when I cannot even fight for my own battles inside. I want to fight for myself, for THEM.

I am willing to be willing. Show me the things that I need to change in my life and let go so that I will never be in the way of being used by you.