Stolen Joy

It is scary how fast the enemy can steal joy from you. He did it to me just last night. In a matter of minutes I was back in my past. I allowed the enemy to play with my mind and thoughts. I was back in his playground. He had complete control of my thoughts.

How? How did that happen so fast? How can I stop that from ever happening again?

I must be firmly planted in the word of God. I must be able to recognize his tricks and the negative thoughts that are planted by the enemy. Speak truth over the lies the enemy has fed me. I am more than a conquerer in Christ who gives me strength. I have to remember the call on my life and remember God's grace.
The enemy knows when to attack, he knows when you are most vulnerable. He knows what to use against us because he studies our ways and our insecurites.
We have to know when we are most vulnerable, so that can be ready at all times for an attack. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. But God has given a way out from the enemies traps. His way out is His truth.
This is what I would do. I will become more planted in God's word and know His truth. I will know when I am vulnerable and know when it is the enemy feeding me lies. I know my call and remember God's grace and mercy.
The enemy will not steal my joy again. I will not let him!!!

"For I know the plans, 'declares the Lord,' planse to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Windows

I love it when God allows us to see little windows of our life. He allows us to see were we are now and how far we have come. I love those moments when I can see where I would have acted differently in certain situations than I do now. God gave me several windows today, where I saw that I have grown. Sometimes we forget how far God has brought and that is God has to remind us time to time. God has brought me very far. He is still doing a new work in me everyday. He doesn't have to the things He does. He is so gracious. Thank for sticking with me and not giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. He has brought me through tough times and gave me an amazing hope for the future. His Love gives you a hope for things that you on your own would never think was possible.
It is so cool to know that the best is yet to come! I have no idea what I will be doing in my life even 3 weeks from now. I do know that whatever it is it will be amazing because I serve an amazing God and if I am being used by Him in the littlest way it will be amazing. I do not remember the last time I had this much joy for this long. It is all because of His mercy that I am able to experience such great joy!
I can do anything if I have God in me and beside me. I no longer have fear of the unknown. I know if God calls me to it then He believes in me and who am I to doubt what God believes!
I stumble at times but I get right back up. In the past I would dwell on all the mistakes I make, but I have learned that does nothing but hinder ms from making things better. I know I will continue to mistakes but I know who to turn to first now and that is God. He always picks me up when I fall, forgives me, and tells me to keep going. He doesn't take away your gifts or what He has called you to just because you mess up. He knows you will mess up before you do. He uses the messed up sometimes. :) He did throughout scripture, why not now? I just don't want myself to get in the way of Him using me, like it did with Moses. God wanted to use Moses to speak to Pharoh but Moses did t think He was capable because he couldn't speak clearly. God knew about his speech impedament and He wanted to use him anyway. Moses didn't think God was big enough though. God still used Moses but He might used him alot more if Moses had believed he could Have been used more. I want to be used by God in the way He wants to use me despite my insecurities. God is much bigger than any insecurity I
have. I dont want have the regret of wandering of what could have happened if I allowed God to fully use the first time He calls me.
If you do read my blog I want to pray that God will give me wisdom over these next few weeks and that I will hear His voice clearly. I want to go and do whatever He says, so I have to be able to discern His voice from others. Let it not be mans, the enemy, or my own voice but Gods that I follow. Thank you for reading what is on my heart. :)

Nearing the end of this season...

Hey guys sorry it has been so long since the last time I wrote anything. I do not have internet at the apartment and so that means I would have go out of my way to go write a blog and well. Lol. I'm just not a blogger unless I have alot on my mind or alot to say. So I guess tonight is one of those nights.
So I'm in the last month of this season of my life. I have no idea what is going to happen in a month from now none the less a few weeks from now. I do have some thought and ideas, but like I have said before it is all up to God and what He has for me. It is exciting and nerve racking at the same time. It is for sure an adrenaline rush. I know that whatever it is will be an exciting next season of my life. I love this part of my life. I love living life with God totally in control of my life. He is directing the sails of my boat. I can not think of a better way to live my life. Yes, I do have worries at times but when those worries come I try my best to replace them with God's word. If I have learned anything here it has been the only way you can defeat a negative thought is with the word of God.
My heart is to reach God's people anyway that I am capable. God has blessed me with the ability to move from place to place. I used to hate that my father was in the military and that we had to move around growing up but now I view it as a blessing because He was just preparing me for what He had for me in the future. I want to travel the world and share God's love to all His children. Not only has God has blessed me with the love of traveling He has also blessed me the thrill of adventure. I love that God can use anyone to do much greater things than themselves. He is a huge God! I am ready for my next adventure, wherever that may be! He is so GOOD to Me! I LOVE YOU GOD! I know that sounds cheezy but I don't care anymore, I really don't! I want to see the world the way God sees the world. I want to love the way God loves. He is such a gracious God!
Please pray that I will have wisdom in approaching the decisions for my next adventure. Pray that I truly hear God and that I will fully obey Him. Thanks for hearing me out and thank you so much for your prayers! You are an Awesome person for reading this. :)

Striving

I have learned alot over the past few weeks. Some of the things I have learned I cannot even express in words.
I have no idea what I am going to be doing in the future, I don't even know what I am going to be doing tomorrow or when I get done typing this. All I do know is that if I truely want to follow God and to do his will then I need to learn to die to myself every second of the day. I need to concentrate on the now and what God has before me right now. I have made plenty of mistakes, some I cannot take back but God is not asking me to take them back, he is just asking for me to learn from them and give them to him. So I do not hold on to them any longer. I don't know how I am going to get through this season that I am in right now, but I do know I will get through it. I have to. It is a hard season but I know that I will learn much from it because I already have. I know God is preparing me for what he has planned for me in the future.
It has become too easy to fall. Too easy to give into the lies of the enemy. But as easy as it seems as tempting as it seems, it is not worth it. There is a better life then what the world and the enemy shows you. It is not easy but it is worth it.
I want to be driven again. I want to be on fire! I want to be passionate about God's calling on my life! I want to be thirsty and hungry for HIM! So much that nothing can ever stop me again or ever let me forget!

Fight

So today was yet another day in which God decided to stretch me and give me a glimpse of what He is calling me into.

I was searching through piles of linens for a full fitted sheet. It is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack. So as I was sinking into the linens I got a call from charity and she asked if i could go with her to see someone at the hospital. It turned out someone who just recently started coming to church on sunday at the dream center tried to commit suicide today. He was at the emergency room and his mom was frantic. So charity stopped what we were doing to go and try to comfort her as much as we could while she waited to see what would happen to her son. He did not do anything as far as we know but he was very close to it. We stood there listening to his mother with tears rolling down her face as she began to tell us that she didn't know what to do he has been like this for awhile but this time it just got too close. He is 20 years old and lives in the house 14 other people doesn't have a job and just feels like he has nothing to live for.

We didn't get to see him becaus he was in the triage and we were not aloud to go in there. I just stood there as charity talked and comforted the mom. I just took it all in and was praying that God would show up not only for the son but also for the mother. We didn't get a chance to pray with her before we left because she went in to see her son and stayed in there to fill out paper work we told her to keep us updated if anything happens and if they were going to keep him for awhile or send him somewhere else. She was so surprised that the church would come out to see them.

We came back to the dream center and I picked up where I left off in the linen closet. But I will not forget what God allowed me to see. I pray that God will continue to bring the broken, hurting, lost, and sinful to us. I never want to get to busy with what I am doing and miss out on being used by God to reach His children. Never let me be the one speaking into the lives of those people, instead let it always be you through me, therefore I will not be concerned with what I am going to say.

I know that I cannot help others in defeating their battles when I cannot even fight for my own battles inside. I want to fight for myself, for THEM.

I am willing to be willing. Show me the things that I need to change in my life and let go so that I will never be in the way of being used by you.

My day or God's day?

So I haven't posted in awhile....

God has opened my eyes to so many things lately. It is hard to explain in words but I have peace. I have not had peace in a long time but God has given me peace and I have finally excepted his gift. I finally can speak about my future without being anxious or worrisome of doing the wrong thing. I still don't know what He has for my future in detail but I don't even know what He has for me today.

I woke up yesterday just like any other day, but it was not like just any other day. I went to morning prayer and then instead of leaving as soon as it is over to see if i could get a quick nap in I stayed because a friend needed comfort. I left prayer and got ready for class quickly because i wanted to crame in some last minute studying for a test that turned out we didn't even take. He gave us an extension and will take next time. I was thankful. The rest of the time I had freedom to sit and take in what the teacher was talking about for both classes without beating myself up for not studying like i should have messing up on a test. After class I ran around to a couple different businesses to try to get some last minute money for our fundraiser and only sold 5. But when I got back I found out that one of my friends decided to buy 5 more from me so, it was a blessing. I then left got some lunch and then headed to the dream center for a day of painting, at least I thought. I got there and right when I got out of my truck charity walks out and asks if I am going on outreach with them and I told her I would have to ask. I called donna up real quick and she told me to go on outreach instead of painting. So I got on the shuttle with charity and the team from utah and left. We went and got some apples and bread from the warehouse to give out to an apartment complex. Most of the team went door to door handing them out while 3 of us stayed behind to bag them up for the team that was going out. As I was bagging apples one of the guys came back and told us that someone excepted Christ after getting apples and bread. The guy asked to recieve Christ in his heart so 2 guys on outreach led him in a prayer and he excepted God into his heart. How awesome is that! I have done alot of outreaches but not that often do get see actual fruit. God allowed us to see some fruit that they day though. Anyway on the way back to the dream center the lady from utah got a call from her daughter and found out that her daughter's husband's aunt died last night because her son shot her. Wow.. So her daughter needed money so they could go and be with the family. So then the lady needed to go to a bank to transfer money to her daughter's account. So I was asked to take her when we got back from outreach. We don't have the same banks as utah so we had find a cousin bank and the original directions got lost. I called the bank they found and just asked for the closest location did not know it was not a cousin until we got there. So they told us cousin bank and we started heading that direction by this time we were pushing for time because banks close at 5 and we are now in traffic. We got lost a couple of times and then finally got some concrete directions from my good friend angela. We made it to the bank on time then we had a new task at hand we needed to find a western union to transfer the money. Got stuck in traffic again but found one then headed back to the brdc. It only took us 2 hours for what we thought was only a 20 minute errand. It was all good though because we had fun with it and we accomplished the task in time and she blessed me with gas money. :) By the time I got back to the dream center it was 6:20 and everyone was gone and everything was locked up. So I left for home.

I said all of that because I started out thinking it was just going to be another day in school of ministry, but God had different plans for me.

1. Spent much needed quality time with friends
2. Was given grace and did not have take a test
3. Went on outreach and I love outreach
4. Got see fruit and God move on someone's heart
5. God allowed me to help someone in need
6. Got icecream with some roomates! :)

There is no telling what will happen when you totally release everything into God's hands especially your time.

Holiday Break

This holiday break has been quite the experience for me. I have learned alot about myself and what areas I need to grow in. It has been rough but worth going through. I know God is preparing me for his work and I keep learning from my mistakes. I know now that it is better to see my mistakes and to go on than to just continuely condemn myself for them. I will never move on if I am always looking back on the things I have done wrong. I have to push myself to see the mistake as an opportunity to grow and do better next time instead of another reason to try to prove God wrong in calling me to do anything for Him. God knows more than anyone else what He is doing and He knows me better than I know myself. So I'm going to strive to stop holding myself back from God's blessings and calling and just believe He can do it! Its not about me, its about Him who lives in me! I am just a willing vessel trying to be obedient to the will of God by dying to myself everyday.